Fostering Connection in Couple Work: Softening a Blamer

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Anna Kamarul

In couple work, I have been caught off guard when one partner brushes over an expression of vulnerability by the other and continues to blame their partner for whatever problem is under discussion. I can then lose my direction and go to ’rescue’ the vulnerable partner. To learn how to better handle this situation in our modality, I looked at what had been written in the EFT literature on how to handle a blamer. Susan Johnston and Associates have specifically addressed it for practitioners working in their couple work process - and noted it as the most challenging component. I work in the Annandale model, so I then considered how that model would handle this situation. Then, recognising that I was the owner of this difficulty in my work, I looked at what I had contributed when I encountered it with two couples. What I learned has helped to steady me and give me direction whenever I encounter an other determined blamer in my couple work.

Follow this link to read Anna's article: Fostering Connection in Couple Work: Softening a Blamer